Proscrastination Devastation


So it’s exam season… and the time is ripe for everybody to (once again) realise that they have no willpower or stamina or self-control what. so. ever.


I have disgraced myself again and again these last 2 weeks, only today catching myself looking up whether dogs can be mentally handicapped. Everything to not have to read about Plato or Descartes or Berkley or any other of philosophers’ chummy chums. My exam is in 2 days.


I have watched all of Sam Pepper’s videos – even his rubbish ones from 2010 – and concluded that he is sometimes quite funny. Sometimes.

I have followed an advert for having my name engraved onto a space ship (for free!)

I have sent approximately eight intricately edited Snapchats an hour of my stuffed chipmunk in various costumes to various, uninterested people.

I have looked up whether I can get a cheap neck massage somewhere nearby (apparently not).

I have watched a documentary about people with ‘gay voices’.

I have read an article about a Chinese man roasting his wife over a fire, which of course led to a domino-like succession of similar horrifying, mostly fake, articles.

I have checked my email at least twelve times and sorted my virtual junk, important and finance folders.

I have deleted about 200 photos I do not want from my phone, but not before reminiscing about each one.

I have microwaved Sainsbury’s muffins with Beth and discovered the optimum time is about 50 seconds for a lovely outer crunch.

My favourite websites include and


And then… Facebook – of course. I have taken the liberty of responding to inbox messages from people I could not care less about to avoid revising.

I have clicked refresh every two or three minutes to see if anything exciting is happening in my ‘friends’’ circles (it’s not).

I have stalked my cousin’s best friend’s teacher’s fiancée and discovered that she is heavily pregnant and craving Reese’s biscuits.

I feel like if I had invested all this time being pointless into finding that elusive Malaysian aeroplane, I’d have found it before it even went missing.

P.S. It’s Noah McLeod’s and 4 others’ birthday today! Write on their Timelines.


I have even written this ramble.


Right, it is 11 o’clock at night and I have done nothing with my day. I’m off to fix my life (revise). And you should probably go and do the same.

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